What’s wrong with me?

Talk about falling off the face of the planet, right? Im probably the worst blogger ever, because I dont ever blog. I swear I had intentions on writing more regularly, but ah, the spring semester kicked in, and I started working three jobs and doing an internship, while going to classes full time. So, life got in the way. Luckily, I have time now, while on spring break! And, to entice you all, I have been working on a lot of future blog posts! Those are coming up soon, I promise!

I wanted to talk about what happens when the Paleo Magic stops working. Uh, what does that even mean? Im talking about once youve been Paleo for a while and the initial magic wears off. Im talking about an initial weight loss maybe, or less bloating, or health conditions improving. Those are all amazing benefits of going Paleo, but what happens when it stops? What happens when you hit a Paleo plateau? Is that even a thing? Let me explain a little further.

Initially when I started Paleo almost 3 years ago (wow!), I wanted a healthy relationship with food, to put my autoimmune conditions in remission, or reverse them, and of course, I wanted to lose fat. Well, the healthy relationship with food came almost instantly, and I was able to get rid of horrible eczema, reverse rheumatoid arthritis and put Lupus in remission (score!). I didnt lose a pound, but my body composition shifted, and I looked as if I lost about 20 pounds. See for yourself:

As we say in the Paleo community, the focus is on getting really freaking healthy first, and then looking better just sort of happens on its own. I felt better, looked better, and felt in control when it came to food. However, Id be lying if I didnt say that a major focus of mine was fat loss. I had battled my weight my whole life (Read more about that, here, and here!) After my initial transition to Paleo, I felt my body was just stuck.

This past summer, I lived and worked out. It was truly an amazing experience and I learned so much. I also packed on 13 beautiful pounds of pure muscle. Wooo! But, to my disappointment, I hardly leaned out (See my before and after pictures, here!) What was wrong with my body? How come some people can lean out in the blink of an eye, and I cant? Am I destined to stay this size, and just be strong and healthy? Is that it? Why cant that be enough for me? I should be thankful Im healthy and strong. Is there something going on internally preventing me from losing fat? Ive tried everything. Wheres the magic? WHY AM I STILL BROKEN?

Thats a basic rundown of thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis, and let me tell yall, it is exhausting! I recently got a crap ton of blood work done. I specifically asked for my doctor to check my cortisol levels, adrenals, thyroid functions, etc. Everything came back normal except for cortisol-I am still waiting to hear about that. I didnt get any answers. I thought maybe I have hypothyroidism and maybe thats why my body is holding onto excess fat. Or maybe my body is regulating its hormones after going off the pill in June after being on it for 6 years. Thats a possibility. Or, maybe transitioning from months of ketosis to eating 50-100g of carbs a day was causing my body to look and feel different in a way I didnt like. My friend says that is why I am feeling fuller and looking fuller. I dont like that. I dont like looking into the mirror and thinking I looked far worse than my before pictures.

So, Im wondering if maybe the magic stopped because my body has other priorities, mainly healing and regulating itself. Maybe this is an adjustment period. Maybe the stress of my crazy schedule is impacting my body, despite my thinking I have it all under control. Maybe a lack of physical activity is affecting me, since I screwed up my ankle and cant workout, and sit in a chair at school for hours upon hours. There are a lot of maybes and variables going on. Most of all, maybe I should be more accepting and loving of myself and the condition I am in now. I still feel like my body is broken and its got some figuring out to do, but what good is getting down on my own body going to do? The answer? Nothing.

So, I pledge to treat myself, mind, body and soul better and trust the process. It isnt an easy thing, folks. I have to fight constantly not to let negative thoughts enter my mind, or let the mirror play tricks on me. Comparing is a dangerous game Ive played way too often. This whole reaching optimal health thing isnt an overnight fix, and while I have crossed tons of bridges to get to the point Im at now, I refuse to believe this is the best it can get. I also refuse to buy into any quick fix the media tries to sell me. Im not interested in your gimmicks that do anything but support a healthy lifestyle. My body just might need more time than yours, or someone elses. I dont have all the answers, and thats okay, I just need to be patient and tweak things around more that work for my body.

If you feel stuck, or broken, like I do, hold out. Remember why you became Paleo in the first place. I may not like whats going on on the outside of my body, but I can guarantee you that the inside of my body is the most beautiful and strong it has ever been. The road to healthy doesnt always show on the outside first. Sometimes the magic happens on the inside. Eventually, the aesthetics will come. Hold on and dont let aesthetic goals be the driving force behind your Paleo lifestyle.

Stay tuned and join me on my journey!