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Coming to the end of the game the master of Go sits silently. His opponent sits across form him waiting for the masters next move. The challenger is upright, his body positioned in anticipation of the placement of the next stone. His face is taught and stoic contrasting the old master’s face which has begun to show its age. They both stare at the board, locked in a battle within their own minds rarely expressed with each move loaded with the weight of the lengthy consideration that has come before. It has been 2 hours since the challenger last moved yet he has remained still; concentrated on the board as the master considers his next move. It has reached a critical point in the game, one mistake would undoubtedly lose the game for either party. The master’s shoulders slouch, he appears to be sinking into the ground, consumed by his move, the game and his old age. The master now appears to sink a little lower and would to an unknowing observer appear to have fallen asleep. Then suddenly the master lets out grunt and begins to shift. As sound fills the room it seems to fill the master as well, his shoulders come back and his back straightens and he reaches a papery hand toward his bowl of circular white stones. The master chooses one and holds it between the top of his pointer and middle finger as he has done since he first learned as a child. The stone arcs towards the board, the master’s move coming to fruition. TACK. The stone cracks on the board and echoes violently. The challenger’s eyes do not blink as the sound passes by his face but become more intense trying to look through the thin hand to the move below. The sound is startling being produced by so old a hand but as the papery hand is removed the true strength of the master is revealed.

Life Tech Thoughts


The spectrum of available information is really quite wide these days, and unless you grow up rooted in some kind of serious tradition, be it sacred or cultural or purely an invention of your immediate family, you are bound to have some pretty strange ideas about the world. Our general outlooks on life can be so different, even though we may spend lots of time interacting, which is a big change from really any other time in history that I can think of. You can go on the internet and nine times out of ten find whatever it is you are actually already looking for, which is a feat already. But what about those times when you find some shit so weird that it makes you question whether or not the shit is real? Lets face it- the internet is killing truth. Whatever you claim to be true, I can find evidence for the opposite argument. Not that that actually makes it any more true or false- it just demonstrates the relativity of our understandings of the world around us to the world around us.


Catching a Horse

It is advantageous to experience the collective flow. There is further advantage in correct persistence.

Rely upon the inner strength while allowing the forces in your current situation to fully act upon you.

You will not lose your perspective or jeopardize your principles in this empathetic voyage. Instead you gain a valuable Insight into something that may be, in fact, controlling your life. This Insight is a great advantage. You will know the right words to utter, the necessary yet minimal action to take, the proper attitude to adopt in order to shape events.

Generally, it is an excellent time for establishing meaningful rapport with those around you and using the energies thus exchanged for achieving significant deeds.

It is a natural accord with the cosmos that is enhanced at this time.


Losing Sight

After you first lose sight of your goals there is uncertain amount of time before they come back to you.
There are a couple of different ways to reflect on this.
At first thought, I felt undisciplined because it was not a high priority of mine to keep a constant awareness of my goals, but soon there after I realized that my reflections were not correctly focused. The time of awareness of goals is not as important as the time in between the awareness of them. You cant achieve goals while concentrating on prioritizing your goals. It is the time in between that is worth reflecting on because it is a more accurate judge of hoe you actually live your life.
It is something when you achieve your goals without the conscious awareness of them.
The cycle that my life is attuned to left Id say 2 weeks inbetween the last time I was hyper aware of my goals and the time of this post. In that time, I have lived closer to my ideal than ever before. Far from perfect, but it leaves plenty to work on during my next cycle. And the best part about it is that I dont even have to do anything. I just have to live my life and hope that my training has been and will be positive.
Some times are meant for reflection, some are meant to plan for the future, but most are to be lived in the present. I gotta say, all three are pretty damned neat.

Life Thoughts

Materialism & Commercialism

Materialism and consumerism lead to depression.
This depression is caused by the replacement of contentment with desire.
One must be totally unattatched, limited not only to his or her possessions.
Once you really let go of everything you can describe as yourself having, then you will be free from desire and content.

Nike dunks are sick.

Where does one draw the line? Raise your hand if you read Siddhartha
My earlobes are stretched almost all the way to the ground.

Health Life

Here we go

I havent even watched the state of the union. You know why? Because I already know what state the union is in- FUCKED. If Gore, who won the majority of votes, was elected, shit would definitely be much better. Oh well. Hopefully within the next six years Ill find my way out of this country if it doesnt turn itself around. Otherwise were going to see some real suffering, mega-depression style. No one will be safe. Not even if your stock market shit is in order. At this rate, not only will we be poor as fuck and unable to live anywhere remotely desireable, but our kids will REALLY be fucked.

What is there to do? Well, heres my solution, and I got it from an anti-drug campaign:

Buy drugs! The money you spend on them goes straigt to terrorists! And you know what terrorists are trying to do, right? Fuck shit up. I want to fuck shit up too, and Im gonna do it by getting fucked up.

America – Fuck Yeah.



There are two exclusive possibilities at this point:

1) stay with girl. have dependable relationship. have love when it cannot be found anywhere else. remain closed off to other possibilities.

2) break up with girl. enter uncertain world of greater possibilities. open myself up more to the school that I am attending.

i went back and forth on this for a long time, then finally settled into being comfortable in the relationship. however, the thought came up again yesterday while we were together. I havent been able to shake it.

is the fact that I am still going back and forth enough to make change happen?

I like the comfort that this relationship provides, but when I think about the future in any regard, I get scared about the possibility of still being in this position, not having let things change with time.

What is the taoist approach to this? Ive been trying to decide.


I think I have decided what the taoist approach is, and I agree with it. The answer is to practice not doing, to be patient, like eternity, and allow events to take their course. I must remember these things! I think its funny upon reflection that I continually go in and out of accordance with the Tao. I think I do it subconsciously, just so that I can be satisfied again and again by the wisdom of the Tao. It replenishes me, I forget about it or am distracted from it, then I use it to get myself out of depression and angst. It works every time.


Does Justice Really Exist?

Is the universe justified?

According to most theology the world is only justified if it is seen as right in the eyes of God.

But what if the universe is inherently justified in itself? How then could we say that certain things in a justified universe were un-just? Can certain objects of a unified good whole be bad? no they must all have equal weight in the whole since the whole cannot exist without them. And since the whole is justified then nothing contained within the whole can be distinguished as un-just.

So how can the universe be justified?

It seems that things that happen within the world are unjustified, evil BAD. So since these things exist cant we conclude that the universe is inherently unjustified? and that as a cause everything within the universe is unjustified? So then why does the universe exist?

It seems that a universe that has no justification should have no reason to exist.

These are all interesting problems that God easily solves. This is why many people perceive God as too easy an answer and dismiss the idea of theology. Ill even admit to doing this myself but only because I like asking these questions too much. And believing in God obviously doesnt allow you to ask these questions Because God hates people who think and rains down justice on those who try.


Separation of Mind and Body

When is reason a better guide than the heart?
My heart is still with my someone I love, but my reason is telling me to separate myself from her. My heart wants all of her and my reason wants none of her. Nothing in between seems to work. A friendship only depresses me. Why should I limit my relationship with someone I love to a friendship?
Since we cannot be together, the other end of the spectrum is to cut myself off from her. Its really too bad that it has to be all or nothing, but I think it is the only way to avoid feeling shitty. It becomes all the worse because what I want affects her which comes back to affect me, so it becomes really hard to be completely honest and open without coming off as harsh and insensitive.
The real dilemma is that I dont want to cut myself off. I also dont want to be with her. I also dont want to be friends. Breaking up is hard to do!! Im stuck it a Catch 22. So what else is new on this blog?
Anyway life is good. Im on top in all other departments. I got 99 solutions but a bitch aint one.


Keep Reminding Myself

There are many people who practice something called positive affirmation. This entails repeatedly writing down sentences meant to reinforce positive self image, productivity, and future goal achievement. An example of a positive affirmation might be: I will get a 94 on my history test. If the individual writes this sentence enough times in a concentrated, almost meditative manner, he or she is in my opinion very likely to get a 94, or at least a satisfyingly good grade on the test. Of course, without studying this would not work.

The application of Will is worth experimenting with, for sure. I have spent a lot of time playing with positive affirmation, even to the extent of using what is called Chaos or Pop Magick. My feelings about the subject are in no way solid. However, I have learned the importance of the reminder. In the more recent years of my life, the brain change that I have experienced has led to much greater self awareness, and along the path there have been many points and lessons that I try to keep present in my mind. This is very difficult most of the time, it being very easy to get distracted. It is therefore important to maintain some set of reminders, ones that can easily be brought to the individuals attention, that trigger memory of specific truths or even emotions, ones that you choose and prefer to keep close to the surface.

I think it would be sad in many ways to have to wake up in the morning and write down repeatedly a list that becomes the method for feeling good about yourself or getting things done. At the same time, however, there is definitely value in keeping certain thoughts present.

Here are the things that I must keep reminding myself of:

-Stay to the middle, avoid dogmatic thinking.
-Perception is the interaction between myself and what I am perceiving. I most often cannot apprehend the majority of the simultaneous processes involved in that interaction, so what I abstract from experience has largely to do with the way I subconsciously apply past experience to the present.
-I write the script of my life, and I choose to write a winner script.
-Embrace not knowing, live as much as possible in the flow of things.
-I often feel the need to make drastic changes in my life, involving relationships and routines. I think in the moment that this feeling is because of my surroundings, the people I am with, etc, but it is ultimately because of my own head. Problems that appear to be in the outside world are really conflicts within. Cleansing the doors of perception, as Blake said, is a good way to gain perspective on this.
-Everything that happens to me and everything that I do is the playing out of myself as a microcosm of the universe.

I keep these thoughts and others present as often in my day as I can, and I do so without having to practice writing down affirmations. Lately I have been experimenting with the use of sigils as reminders and as ways of focusing energy and attention to those thoughts, gaining a better grasp on them.

Some sigils would make great tattoos